01 Apr DON SAVES EASTER
G’day legends, did I ever tell you about the time I saved Easter?
I was working as a life coach in Gympie a few years ago when I bumped into a funny-looking bloke outside the local pub. He was really hairy with the biggest ears you’ve ever seen, and he was having a good old sook. I swaggered over and put my arm around him, then asked him what was wrong.
“Don,” the fella said, “I’m the Easter Bunny and – like you – I bring joy to the world. You with your custom-printed stubby coolers, and me with my delicious chocolate Easter eggs. But it’s so warm here in Queensland that all the eggs are melting. It’s a disaster!”
I flashed the carrot-crunching critter a winning smile and patted him on the back. “Relax, mate, I’ve got you covered. Pull up a seat in the pub, watch the footy, and I’ll sort out this mess for you.” With that, the bunny bounded off to grab an icy cold XXXX Gold as I got to work.
I pulled out some of my quality, triple-stitched stubby coolers and plonked the gooey eggs inside them. They were shielded from the harsh April sun, and immediately stopped melting. It was an Easter miracle! I set about delivering them to the children of the world and, due to my excellent cardio conditioning and keen sense of direction, I was able to finish in record time. I was hailed a hero everywhere I went, and when I returned to Gympie, the bunny once again had tears in his eyes – but this time, they were tears of happiness.
“Don,” he gushed, “You’re the greatest man I’ve ever met, and I’m mates with Santa Claus and Guy Sebastian. How can I ever thank you?”
“Mate,” I responded, plonking a can of cold drink into one of my stubby coolers, “the admiration and love of every person on the planet is all the thanks I need. Maybe you can nominate me for a Nobel Prize. Anyway, Happy Easter.”