SECRETS OF THE TRIPLE STITCH

G’day champions, have I ever told you the story behind the quality triple-stitching my stubby coolers are famous for? The year was 1983 and I was hiking through the impenetrable jungles of Cambodia, battling snakes the size of school buses and exchanging my coolers for exotic spices and tapestries.

Half-blind from malaria and weary from months of exploring, I stumbled across a solid-gold temple on a remote mountainside. I staggered inside, looking for water and a place to rest, only to find a giant man in a stunning silk gown. It was the most exquisite ensemble I’d ever seen – strong, durable and handsome, and it kept the emperor cool in the balmy weather.

“My son,” the monarch boomed, reaching out a powerful hand to steady me. “Fate has brought you to my temple for a reason.”

“Really?” I replied absently, more interested in the incredible tunic he was wearing.

“I am seeking a successor to take over my empire, as I have no son,” he explained. “You are a fearless, handsome fellow, and I have chosen you to become the new emperor. All of this will be yours. The land, the jewels, the love and admiration of the people. You shall enjoy unimaginable power and wealth.”

“Actually mate, I’d rather you just tell me who made your gown. This triple-stitching would look grouse on my stubby coolers!”

And so, armed with the ancient secrets behind quality triple-stitching, I headed back to Australia to lead an empire forged in my own image – mrstubbycooler.com.au. I enjoy the love and admiration of my people and, unlike that empire back in Cambodia it has a really cool, easy-to-use website with a simple-yet-powerful online design tool for creating Australia’s greatest stubby coolers.

Hail to Emperor Don, baby!